FICTIONS
Eye of Raven
Peril in Menacing Throb
Poignant of the Broken Memory
Wielding Katana
DRABBLES
Forgotten Melody
Gift of Immortality
Perhaps...Love is Another Word to Express Hatred
Raisonnement, Confiance, Fric
Man of Crow
The Making
Bitter Farewell
Sailing the Boat
How I Met a Demon. (29 NOVEMBER 2011 - 17:02)
Who Am I?
Demonic Me
Demonic Lilith
Soldier
The Child: Me.
Knowledge
Dying Me
Valuing My Life
Mixing Potions of Feelings
A Deadly Game
Tampering in a Tub
Renovating My Heart
The Master He Only Have
A Man and a Piano
Two Peas in a Pod
Death is the New Beginning
Ignorant Me
Wittering Serenity
Entering Battlefield
My Name is L.
A Fight To Come
POEM
A Man Can Die But Once
Eternally Remembered
Forever and a Day
I Like This Place and Willingly Spend My Time In It
Miserable Have No Other Medicine but Hope
To the Tiny Being
A Pearl Among the Pebbles
Who I Am
A Somebody
ONE SHOT REQUEST
Psychosis Attraction By SSLL Staff @ SSLL
REVIEWS
COMING SOON
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Credits
- Content by : Pararae
- Designed by : Dorkistic.Net
- Hosted at : Blogger
Psychosis Attraction By SSLL staff @ SSLL
"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so."
-Ray Stannard Baker [David Grayson]-
---
Fate was cruel. Or perhaps that was how Jaejoong viewed it. The rich bachelor was the sole heir to a powerful clan in Seoul, making him followed and respected.
Then came Lillith, a girl who he never thought would play an important role to his life. She was merely a bodyguard while he was on the top. But that wasn’t how fate works, was it?
---
Psychosis Attraction
Starring:
♥ Kim Jaejoong
♥ Shim Changmin
♥ T.O.P (Choi Seung-hyun)
♥ OCs
♥ minor appearances by some Korean entertainers
For a moment, he was stunned.
Her hair was smooth and silky; the wind scattered it through all directions against the granite floor. He was intrigued, running his fingers along its strands, prooving its smoothness with his own skin, but his sense brought him back to where he stood.
He was only a few meters away from her; standing right where the metal door stood a few minutes ago, while her seemingly lifeless body was lying in the centre of the room. It once occurred to him that perhaps her life had reached its end, but her breath, short and almost unheard, was still there, and the tiny movements on her chest was small but seen.
With the gleam of light right above her, he saw something different, something which caused him to hold his breath or even lose his voice. His jaw dropped, but he made no noise, perhaps afraid to wake her up or perhaps because the view before him was simply astonishing.
He was sure that she was the right person. God had finally sent a guardian angel, one whose existence was only told in fairytales and folklores, the one and only for him. Her innocent sleeping face was somewhat calming; an angel - he thought amusingly – something of which he had never believed in, but was perhaps real. It was simply funny and ironic, that he was forced to welcome a belief in such a situation. Yet, it was true.
But when her eyes opened, fierce and deathly, all trace of holiness disappeared. He was struck, again, for a person to transform into a whole new individual only in an instant. There was a new vibe of air, truly different from what he felt previously, but it was perfect.
"She's good," he said to the man beside him, who gave him a look of disbelief in reply yet didn’t dare to offer an opinion. A curt nod was displayed to strengthen his decision, before he turned around and left with an amused smile in the corner of his lips.
It was foolish for him to take a child's imagination into consideration. It was not an angel he was looking for, it was the devil.
And she was perfect.
---
tick...tock...tick...tock...
Lillith stared in disbelief, the corner of her brow twitched. Against the grand wall was an antique Grandfather's clock, brown and intricately carved, bringing the only warmth that had long disappeared from the house. Tapping the thick wall, she puffed a cigar which she immediately threw to the nearest bin as a cough followed. She sighed.
Lifting her head, she glanced at the clock, only to produce another strained sigh while she impatiently crossed her arms.
Oh, how she hated waiting.
---
It had been awhile since the decision was made final, not by him but by someone else, almost 2 weeks to be precise. But for Jaejoong, 2 weeks was still not enough to build his trust. In fact, it would probably never happen.
True, he had seen the thick folders, skimming through each candidate's full data and taking it into consideration. True, he proceeded with requesting a brief meeting after choosing a few from the long list. But it was untrue that he was the one who picked the winner - on top of it, they had to choose a she instead of a he.
Still, it provided no guarantee, nor he was convinced of her true strength.
Born as the heir of such a family, with its darkest secret and the dirty works (for some people) awaits his future, Jaejoong had long accepted that his future was not his own. He had a responsibility to the whole clan and it was his job to lead, not to follow. He had to be respected; a figure people would look up to. Dressing properly was an obligation, while the art of disguising had to be mastered fully.
The position itself offered a lot to him; he had the money and power. No matter how grave his mistakes were, they were forgiven easily, at least by most. And Jaejoong was a clever man; he knew how to use it to his own good without abusing it. He played, he cheated, he loved to see another’s misery, or at least that was how he appeared to be. He was a pampered young master, while in fact it wasn't entirely true.
And as the holder of such a position in the organization, his life was wanted, so he had to make choices to secure his safety.
That was why he decided to keep Lillith nevertheless.
Still, he couldn't fully trust her.
What a mess.
---
It was another typical Friday night, though for some reason Jaejoong couldn't find himself at ease. Heck, he had forgotten how peace felt, or how relaxing normal life was, not when his life was not only his own.
However, such a convenient environment could not be provided at the moment, not when he had to watch a verbal fight between two of his underlings, which was definitely none of his business but was enough to keep him entertained. Well, it certainly had something to do with him, as one of them - the one he would prefer to keep as a bodyguard instead of his current one - frequently sent piercing glares at him, perhaps forgetting who Jaejoong actually was. Normally, someone on his position would never let this happen, but it was a different case for Jaejoong. As if trying to challenge T.O.P - his name, or code name, or whatever - Jaejoong sent a smirk across his features while still carrying out his previous act to remain oblivious.
"It's my duty..." her voice was soft. Oh, she had a name for sure; Lillith. Like a Lily, a flower he secretly treasured for the sake of old memory. It was a beautiful name, just like the white flower itself, but just beautiful was not enough. Momentarily, Jaejoong studied her figure intensely. Long legs, fair-skinned, dark hair; if only he didn't know better, he might have flirted with her, or perhaps taking it to the next step. But oh, her face told him differently. How cold it was, as if all emotion had fully been extracted from her. There was never a smile, let alone a laugh, other than the faked ones which could never deceive him.
After all, Jaejoong was an expert in it.
"You could have given a better reason." This time, it came from T.O.P, and Jaejoong tried his hardest to resist laughing.
"But that was true, wasn't it?" Oh, Changmin, sweet little Changmin. He could never fit inside this world. But as always, he couldn't leave Jaejoong's side.
"Is..." Lillith added; this time Jaejoong had to turn around to face the window of his limousine. The sky was dark; the new moon had yet to come, though he had longed to see the moon in search of a solace to his lonely heart.
But no, he couldn't show any weakness.
By the time the car stopped, Jaejoong had forgotten everything but one - the same one his mind had to focus on. The meeting would be starting soon and it was his time to be more responsible than he usually was.
---
Instead of a dull meeting, Lillith found herself surrounded by a bunch of old men comparing their position one to another; the higher the better, for it showed their capability of maintaining the trust from their leader. In the center of it was the one she was responsible for - the same one she should guard. He was a pompous brat, a boy who knew nothing, but it was not Lillith's place to question her mission. She was taught to oblige, not to defy, and that was definitely the reason why she defended Jaejoong from T.O.P's unfavorable opinion, regardless that her personal opinion was that it was actually true.
Her dress was a disaster, Lillith had decided. To assure the secrecy of her mission, for the real villain might be anywhere, perhaps they had even infiltrated their territory, she had to disguise. It was coloured white, the tight skirt was just right above her knees, exposing her skin just right. The softest shade of red across her lips was the only make-up applied, if that could even be counted, but her beauty was not shadowed by other female guests who did not hesitate in showing their assets.
Not only once had she felt this comfortable, hungry eyes set upon the girl who was different from others, but many times, Lillith had even lost count of it. She didn’t really mind it, not even the dirty talk behind her, Lillith as one of Jaejoong’s whore. Nobody ever dared to touch her, for they were afraid of losing their position, and she was completely fine with it.
But why couldn’t she get used to it already?
Lillith sighed, looking over the tall guy she acknowledged as her master. Once in a while, she swept her gaze around the room, face remained expressionless with the tiniest curve gracing her mouth, half-drank brandy in her hand. T.O.P, her master, T.O.P, her master, T.O.P, her master…
The night was still long…
---
His fake smile was the façade he effortlessly maintained. Jaejoong had long known that he was underestimated, for a young brat like him should have known nothing. He was treated like a marionette; many had tried to approach him in hope to have the heir under their hand, so that they could control the group in no time. But they were foolish, Jaejoong was none of the above, instead he watched and waited. Smiling was exhausting for it consumed his energy, but it was worth the effort. They didn’t need to know that he had never favoured any of them until the day he was called the leader, when he could finally eliminate those he considered useless and keep the clever ones until they were useful no more.
Oh yes, he wasn’t stupid, but he wasn’t evil either, at least not as evil as his father had always been. Jaejoong was the one of the few living witnesses of his father’s real behavior, most had been disposed of and surely the elderly man wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice some more, except for his son if he still had the heart of a human.
Of course, Jaejoong didn’t really care about it as much as he used to. He chuckled while remembering the stupid past. The wind blew, sneaking inside his room through the small gap between the window pan and the sill. The mood was shining; naturally he appreciated its beauty.
The silence was eerie, but it was not unusual inside the huge mansion. In fact, it had always been like this inside the household ever since the death of his mother, as she was the only one whose innocence was not tainted by the devil. It was contrasting the earlier party, where peace could not be sought; loud voices disturbed him every now and then, but not less amusing.
However much he wished for time on his own, Jaejoong was once again disturbed by an extremely loud voice, once he could easily distinguish even with closed eyes. But, what are the chances…
Jaejoong tuned his head instantly when he heard a loud bang, watching his usually expressionless bodyguard breathing unsteadily with a gun in hand. It was then he realized that something was definitely weird. And that something was obviously nothing he would like.
“Master-gun-shot—” Another voice joined, this time a young maid with horror etched on her face.
“Let’s go.” Lillith finally said, her expression remained cold. He nodded, once, understanding the situation they were in, and without any further ado he walked outside.
It was there when his eyes caught two figures. Gun, sharp blade, a curvy body suddenly in front of him. He couldn’t move even when his brain had told him to, as if he had lost the control over his body coordination. There was a lot of information to register, and his eyes could only see blood and a body.
T.O.P appeared with a few others while he finally made his move. There were shouts everywhere, gun-shots, his house, fire…
Everything else was forgotten.
It seemed like yesterday when it all had happened. Jaejoong couldn’t forget it at all, even when he had tried to do so.
For one thing, he wanted revenge.
It had been three months, give or take a few days, since the massacre happened, exactly the same day when he had to give up the rights he had over his house temporarily. Gunshots and probably more, lifeless bodies were lying, and he was vulnerably there, letting someone else protect him; instead of fighting back he ran.
Now that he remembered it, Jaejoong blamed his lack of experience as well as his vulnerable state. Now he had also realized that there was supposedly a lot to do, yet it was a bit too late.
He lost his father. Never had he thought that he would remorse over his father’s death – the father he had once wished not to be his. Yet, he harbored the feeling; it grew bigger and bigger each second he was hiding behind the cold mask he had decided to wear ever since that day.
He had changed into a man he had always hated, so lonely and cold. Long lost his playful past had been, all that was left was a man designated as the perfect leader responsible for the big clan. Indeed, the loss of the great figure – his father – had brought chaos upon the gang, as well as his sudden dissappearance to a place nobody knew of, until he re-appeared as a new man and took over the leading, bringing back the clan to its past prosperity. Ever since then he had tracked all the evidence left, until his investigation led into a name.
Three months was indeed short, but a lot happened during that span of time. And Lillith, oh, Lillith… Jaejoong sighed, rubbing his forehead with his palm. He almost thought that he would lose her as well that day. He was there, frozen, watching it all. Even when a gun was pointed at him, Jaejoong couldn’t move; wouldn’t move. While others were running to save their lives, he stayed not because he wanted to, but because his fear had come true.
His life was supposed to be taken as well that day, but no he was spared, and it was all because of her. She took his place, jumping in front of him, receiving the damage. Oh Lillith, his Lillith…
Jaejoong once again sighed; a cigar was quickly lit before he puffed it.
And once again he shut his heart and chose to be alone.
---
There was always a first for everything.
Lillith had long known that she was born to be someone whose hands would always be tainted by blood. Instead of preparing herself to be a good future wife, she had to be a protector, a job which was usually carried by a man, not a woman. But she was one of the few exceptions, one of the women acknowledged for this job.
But why did it have to change now? She was still the old Lillith, the very same one who would oblige, not disobey. But now her mind was always unfocused, bothered by something else, the feeling she shouldn’t have felt…
Three months ago she almost lost her life. Almost, though it needed more than a gunshot to kill her. Still, it changed her. She had to undergo various tests after the small bullet was extracted somewhere near her brain. Nothing could be done about her broken hand, they said. She willingly took the blow and now her left hand had to be removed from her; her hand – her soul. But quite soon, she recovered, able to carry out her old duty once again. However, something had already changed, something she never predicted to happen.
‘I love you’, he said, and she never believed it. ‘I really mean it’, he insisted, but she was more persistent than he was. ‘Stay by my side’, he asked, but she refused…
Why did it bother her that much? It wasn’t as if her first time receiving such a confession, but once it concerned her master, Lillith couldn’t understand a thing. Why? Was it because Jaejoong was someone she was responsible for, or was it something else?
She could never resent it. Perhaps, she had suffered such a big loss, such a big sacrifice for someone as pompous as her master, yet it was her duty to do so. But then, was it for duty she did that?
“Lillith…” a baritone voice softly called her and she responded almost immediately, eyes meeting that of the man she called a friend.
“It’s almost time…”
But she didn’t move. For a moment, it was as if the time was frozen. Lillith deeply inhaled a breath and released it in the same manner, repeating it a few times. Her mind was not in peace at all and it surely wouldn’t bring her any good in a mission. She had to focus and forget all the trivial details, she should be heartless, not dwell on personal feelings.
“Lillith…”
“I know,” another breath, “I know, T.O.P…”
And she was gone with him.
---
The time had finally arrived. It was almost dawn and Jaejoong once again stared downstairs, watching as two figures disappeared into the darkness. It had all been planned carefully; Jaejoong didn’t waste the three months at all. He had men everywhere, perhaps he had yet to be as influential as his father had been, but his current self would do. During those grave moments, he worked, leading a secret investigation while hiding in a secluded place to ensure his own safety. After all, the group decided that they disliked the idea of losing yet another leader only in a few months.
Jung Yunho… That name had been mentioned a few times by his father, but it was foolish to ignore the threat Yunho might possess. He was the culprit, at least the one behind the curtain. He had underlings, for sure, like how Jaejoong had a few as well, so another two code names: G.D. and Taeyang popped up as well.
So it was finally the day when they would end it once and for all. Jaejoong might have done a great job in hiding his hatred, but the rest of the clan wished for the revenge as well, slightly forcing him even more. But it wasn’t a big deal, for he longed it as well.
Today, his thirst would be quenched, though things would never be the same anymore. But he would have been satisfied.
It took only a few hours before a smirk graced his features, two figures coming back in sight and were soon summoned in front of him. He observed the two of them, his gaze lingering longer at the female one.
“The two assassinators had been done.” It was T.O.P who spoke up, as expected.
He didn’t answer. He hadn’t answered it yet, for his eyes couldn’t leave Lillith’s figure. It was at that moment when he finally forgot who he was and tried to return to his own self.
Alas, he was already a different man.
“Good…” his voice was clear, expressing neither hatred nor happiness, simply emotionless.
Then darkness finally engulfed both the sky and his heart. The revenge was finished…
---
Changmin had always known that he’s a good guy. Really, the environment he had grown up in made it impossible to create the man he is now, alas fate always had its own way, for Changmin was a good man – not just the typical naughty-yet-good one, but a real one.
He may or may not have rejected many requests, but mostly he had the tendency to give instead of take.
Take one example. Sometimes he always wondered what made him a friend of Jaejoong. Their friendship was rather weird, not to mention that their personalities were contrasting, but they were friend nonetheless. It was always Jaejoong who did the jobs, and Changmin took the blame, but they would stick together no matter what, and so be it.
Changmin had always thought that of all people, it should be he who understood Jaejoong the most. Unlike the façade, Jaejoong had always been true in front of Changmin. He knew Jaejoong’s deepest secrets, for the said person always shared it with him, and he took pride in it. To be Jaejoong’s most trusted man…that sounded real nice.
But now, he could even recognize the Jaejoong in front of him. True, the accident in the past had changed him. Well, everyone would have changed if they had to face such a fate. Changmin knew Jaejoong’s hatred towards his father, whom Jaejoong actually respected as well, and he kept it all by himself, unless Jaejoong had decided to reveal it by himself. Knowing that the old man died in such an improper way had done the damage, no matter how dark the world they had been living in this whole time. It was not an understatement to say that Jaejoong was changed because of that, but Changmin could still recognize the old him. Even when his love was first reciprocated yet rejected, the man was still the Jaejoong his friend was.
But now?
Changmin did not pity him; couldn’t pity him. Once again, he knew how Jaejoong hated to be pitied, so he did not. However, Jaejoong was drowning in misery, and he hated that so much.
It was one month ago. Being the best friend he was, Changmin deliberately let the changed Jaejoong live inside his house. To be a good company was what he had initially intended, it was proven later that Changmin’s attempt was futile.
It had been long since he had predicted this. Ever since the first time Changmin met Lillith, who was already Jaejoong’s bodyguard at that time, he had known that his friend would later be entrapped by her beauty, and that she might break Jaejoong’s heart. They were not civil, but Changmin could see that they would be in the future. Call it a best friend’s intuition, but really, Changmin had felt it.
But he was too nice to hate her. Instead, he befriended her. It was Changmin’s nature to befriend one instead of loathe one. Although he had felt that, he still convinced himself that he might have been wrong, perhaps Lillith could bring happiness to Jaejoong. Even further, he told Lillith about his disappointment, although he knew deep down that he doubted it.
It was the second time Lillith rejected Jaejoong, this time even harsher than the previous one. Deep down, Jaejoong was fragile, and Lillith had been successful in breaking him. She left just like that. To America, Jaejoong had said. Thus, Jaejoong was left heartbroken, unable to accept the fact.
And as if it wasn’t enough, Jaejoong began hallucinating. It was Changmin’s worst nightmare, but he had to deal with it. Jaejoong talked as if there was someone else, someone who was not a man but a woman, perhaps someone who was Lillith. It was terrifying; he couldn’t recognize his friends anymore.
It should have been normal if he loathed Lillith by now, regretting the fact that he had befriended her in the past. Perhaps he could even hunt her down; make her pay for Jaejoong’s suffering.
But no, he didn’t. He was still the same Changmin.
Wasn’t it an irony that he was a real good man?
---
America, it was a place everyone had dreamed to go to. But lately, it had been a place T.O.P had dreaded to go to.
It wasn’t really his first visit to the said big country. Being a professional meant that he had to be ready for any mission given to him, no matter what cost he had to pay, or how far the distance he had to cross.
America used to be a place he loved to visit. Instead of being normal in Seoul, he felt special in America. He couldn’t speak the language fluently, but that was enough. He was special, and that was all he cared about.
But not when he went with Lillith. Everything had changed to something he really regretted. Even his old tactful self seemed to have lost its touch, or else he would have stopped resenting, even wishing to turn back time.
It might have been a wrong decision, but T.O.P actually took the plane back home, to Seoul, and for once he was relieved with it. He wasn’t really a nice man to someone who had hurt her precious sister friend, however he had to deal with it. Jaejoong had never been someone he favoured, but he had to deal with the pompous brat at it was his job to do so. No matter how stupid, or what a git Jaejoong is, he was still someone superior, and T.O.P was too loyal to destroy the young master.
It might end badly, and it might have been a bad choice, but he decided that it was actually the time for a real revelation. Following Lillith to America was almost like a suicide, for he had to leave the job and the world he had grown too accustomed to, but for her sake, he tried to deal with it. They were partners, inseparable, and it was perfect.
They still kept their old job somewhat, to become bodyguards, though they did not stay in any group permanently. Lillith feared it, he realized, and he decided not to question her unwillingness, instead follow her decision, creating a space she could comfortable with. Life was perfect.
…or so he thought, until the past had shown its power. It refused to leave, it hunted them, or Lillith specifically.
He wanted her to be happy, it was his only wish. That was why he went to Seoul without knowing whether it was actually a good decision or not, but he hoped it would be a good one.
The sky was still the same, the air, the light. The city was still as crowded as it used to be, but then he had just left it for no more than 2 months. The trees, the highways…
Ah, it’s good to be home…
---
Jaejoong couldn’t believe it. T.O.P, of all people? And as if encouraging him, Changmin immediately bought the ticket, saying that everything had been taken care of. So he flew to the States without any clear clues.
He could barely remember how he had been the past few months, like a dead person, living inside his imagination. He had neglected all his duties, his responsibility to his people, and so he had expected to be hated, to be forgotten. But now, he had been waited for, and they were even willing to wait a tad bit longer for him to settle his issues.
Settling his issues, hah. It was weird; a door was right before him at this moment. The information T.O.P had provided was unclear, or at least he couldn’t register it clearly. But one thing was for sure, he would be shocked, she was different, too different. But Jaejoong had longed to meet her for so long so he didn’t care, as long as he could see her he couldn’t care less.
Thump…thump… His heart was pounding, his fingers trailed upward, reaching for the door knob.
Vaguely, he remembered seeing a piece of parchment which incidentally belonged to his father, a parchment which described his first impression upon meeting Lillith. It turned out to be a shock that his father had specifically seen Lillith in person to ensure that his son had the best guard, instead of letting someone else do the trivial job.
Thump…thump… The knob was slowly turned, he exhaled a deep breath.
A devil, but an angel. An angel, yet a devil. His father was too indecisive; he couldn’t even decide which one Lillith was. A devil, perhaps, but she was too pure to be one, yet had been tainted to be as saint as an angel.
Thump…thump… The door was pushed open. He stepped inside carefully, and suddenly his eyes widened.
She was still the same, her long black hair was now longer, her dress was something he had never seen before but it looked so good on her. Her eyes, nose, lips… Jaejoong studied her features carefully, ensuring himself that she was the Lillith he knew.
Suddenly she turned to him, yet showed no sign of recognition. “Who are you?” her brow twitched as she asked.
He opened his mouth, yet he could form no words. Suddenly the forgotten pieces of puzzle was found, he finally remembered what T.O.P had told him. Amnesiac, he said. The bullet had done the damage necessary before in was extracted from her head and now she had to suffer this. She was changed, she was different, and T.O.P was the one who took care of her.
Suddenly he felt sick of himself. Why couldn’t he be there for her? Why didn’t she let him to do so? He could do a lot, he would do anything for her. But she never let him.
“Who are you?” she softly repeated, this time a tiny hint of fear was heard.
Brought back to the realm of reality, Jaejoong sighed. He stared at her, studying her even further. Suddenly, he felt that it was the right thing, she had better forget all the pain in her past, reborn as a new person instead. That was she wouldn’t have to be entrapped, she would be free.
He once again remembered his father’s description, an angel and a devil. Her luscious red lips were too inviting, but he didn’t lust them, his feelings had gone way deeper than that, even purer. Everything about her was perfect for him, he couldn’t ask for more.
“Jaejoong…” he finally murmured. “My name is Jaejoong…” Once he finished, he sighed in relief, as if all the burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
“Jaejoong?” her voice was like a beautiful melody, and he loved how his name was pronounced by her. “T.O.P’s friend? I’m Lillith.” She said with a wide smile, and at that moment he decided that it was something he loved.
He nodded once. Before long, a smile finally curved on the corner of his lips for the first time after months, a genuine one that is.
At that moment he had finally decided something.
She is his angel.
DATE:Sunday, June 27, 2010
TIME:{1:45 AM }
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