FICTIONS
Eye of Raven
Peril in Menacing Throb
Poignant of the Broken Memory
Wielding Katana
DRABBLES
Forgotten Melody
Gift of Immortality
Perhaps...Love is Another Word to Express Hatred
Raisonnement, Confiance, Fric
Man of Crow
The Making
Bitter Farewell
Sailing the Boat
How I Met a Demon. (29 NOVEMBER 2011 - 17:02)
Who Am I?
Demonic Me
Demonic Lilith
Soldier
The Child: Me.
Knowledge
Dying Me
Valuing My Life
Mixing Potions of Feelings
A Deadly Game
Tampering in a Tub
Renovating My Heart
The Master He Only Have
A Man and a Piano
Two Peas in a Pod
Death is the New Beginning
Ignorant Me
Wittering Serenity
Entering Battlefield
My Name is L.
A Fight To Come
POEM
A Man Can Die But Once
Eternally Remembered
Forever and a Day
I Like This Place and Willingly Spend My Time In It
Miserable Have No Other Medicine but Hope
To the Tiny Being
A Pearl Among the Pebbles
Who I Am
A Somebody
ONE SHOT REQUEST
Psychosis Attraction By SSLL Staff @ SSLL
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Credits
- Content by : Pararae
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A Somebody
For that it has broadened my perspective
The ideas that began with a seed
Grew into a pot of flower that smiled to the challenge of the new sun
With this, I give you, the achievement you have made
through the heart of a young nobody.
What you have shown is incomparable to the height of the sky
For that it has taught me the example and the good teachings,
It had became the air that I breathe in or the thousands words of meaning
With this, I give you, the picture of advice and professionalism
Through the fluent of words and the confident of vow,
of a mature nobody
What you have donated, is incomparable to the World Charity
It has showed me the true path that bridged me to adulthood
Saved me from the wrath of innocent and naive,
With this, I give you, the nobody that has learnt from the true color
The spat of reality that traverse through the guidance of her teacher,
A new transformation of a head-nodding fools
Revealed her inner self, the one that was oppressed and unsure
Opened the door of greeting and factual debate as she
Spread her wings and stepped into the wildest possibilities,
and whatnot, she has become somebody!
The Child, Me
Embroidery over cooking,
Dance instead of chess...
Every girl born in the country of roses were raised by these words...
But I, I alone, am different...
I live by poetry and strive in philosophy,
I do embroidery and master in cooking,
I am a dancer and a chess player.
I walk both worlds, which not many fine lady dare to venture.
"Dance makes a woman true, jewelries make a woman beautiful and poetry makes a women wise."
These are the words which I often hear and take to heart, but not all of it...
After all, I am a manipulator...
"Dances makes a woman true, jewelries make a woman beautiful and poetry makes a women wise...philosophy makes a woman courageous, cooking makes a woman well-do and chess makes a woman sharp."
These are the basic principles which I lived by...
Not many accept it. But it's ok.
I do not need their recognition. I just need them to stay out of my way and shut up.
Is that is hard to do? Am I asking too much?
I guess not. *shrug*
In the moment of drowsiness,
Pararae
Knowledge
Knowledge is the strongest vessel which can shield a man from the toughest bullet or the pierce of a blade.
Knowledge held a great power and influence which can move the world with the wave of its hand.
Knowledge can change black to white and midnight blue to golden red.
Knowledge can alter the impossible to something reachable.
Knowledge is bringer of light and yet it is the key to mischievousness.
A man with the highest knowledge held the world by his palm as it can melt and shape it to his heart content.
After all, knowledge is the answer to everything.
But, can anyone define knowledge?
How much do we need so that the world is ours'?
How much blood must we spilled and household must we burn in order to obtain the highest degree of knowledge?
The answer is in your hand...
Inspiratious me,
Pararae
Dying me
My body aren't mine anymore...
'It's the grass,' A familiar yet bizarre, feminine voice whispered in my ears. 'It's the grass that control your mind. Let it go and you will be free.'
I nodded to myself, despite the feeling to look at the speaker in her face.
'Let it go and you will be free to see the world with your naked eyes.' The voice whispered softly, like a music playing on the tongue of violin.
The urge to rip the blindfold strengthen, as my mind wondered if ever I wanted to open my eyes.
How many years has it been?
How many years has it since I last see the world?
How long has it been since I've become the companion of darkness?
'It has been too long,' my other side answered... 'Too long that it has become a part of you,'
I nodded obligingly... It HAS been long...
I can't even remember how many days or months has passed since, but I guess I never really care and perhaps, that was why it never came to my mind to open it.
My grip around the grass tighten as my legs beneath me started to ache due to immense pressure on the bare, soil ground... The stronger the will to let go of the grass and take off the cloth off my eyes, the tighter my grip on it.
I didn't know why... I guess I have grown dependent on it...
It has been my guidepost, my silent signboard and my sole companion.
But perhaps...just perhaps...
If I let it go, I might find a better guidepost...a better signboard...
A better companion....perhaps.
My imagination ran wild... pictures of ridiculous expectations churned itself in a blurry motion that I felt a tornado has just ran havoc in my mind. I started to feel dizzy as the darkness started to twirled slowly, as if hypnotizing me in a long, crazy trance that I wished I could lock myself away from it...
'Do it!' the feminine voice started to sharpen in a dangerous click of tongue. 'Open your eyes of ignorance, open your mind to the truth and your will to reality! Then, you will see the world as it is...'
I clenched my teeth and bit onto my lips hardly that I thought I felt a pool of blood glided around my tongue. As much as I felt disgusted by its 'metallicity', I felt comfortable with it, compared to the pressure the voice exert at me.
Finally, I made up my mind!
I had it!
I had it with this darkness thing... It may has been my companion at my darkest time and perhaps has been the ear to my problems and even the shoulder for me to cry on.
But...
How about the other side?
How would the other side be?
How it is like to see with my own two eyes, rather than seeing it with my ears, nose, touch and imagination?
Perhaps, the grass on the other side is greener...
Perhaps, then, I can see the height of the mountain, the depth of the ocean and even the beauty of a lavender garden spread from one horizon to another...
Then, it happened...............................
The grip on the grass loosen, feeling its soft leave trailing across and around my fingers and finally, off my hand, leaving it damp in the cruelty of cold wind.
A sense of melancholic wrapped my heart.
A sense of sadness entrails my will.
But a sense of curiosity drove them away, wrapped my mind and heart into a selfish, self-centered thoughts to abandon 'those' what has been with me for god knows how many days, months or even years, for the possibility of 'reality'...
And finally, the dead-knot at the back of my black blindfold snapped...
The tight blindfold wrapped around my eyes has suddenly loosened and brushed down my cheek and finally landed softly on my lap...
Tick...Thump
Tock...Thump
Tick...Thump
Tock...Thump
My heart beat in a fast tattoo as my mind counted the second passed since the blindfold has snapped....
Finally, with the curiosity and the left-over valiant stored in me, I open my eyes...
and gasp!
... sweats
... regret
... heartbroken
... tears
and finally darkness consumed me...
This is not what I expect....
This is not what I want....
Tthis is not what I abandon for....
The reality is too harsh...too cruel...too...too 'real', that the barren-ness of it stick a stake through my heart and soul, and dragged me into the road of misery.
My imagination crashed, my dream bubble popped and finally, my consciousness failed and the last sound I heard is the last draw of my dying breath...
...
Thump... Thump... Thump...
Now, the darkness will be my permanent, sole companion.
Living off,
Pararae
Valuing My Life
A night sky full of cries
Hearts filled with lies
The contract - is it worth the price?
A soul pledged to the darkness
Now I've lost it
I know I can kill
The truth exists beyond the gates...
- Howling, Abingdon Boy School
I'm falling...
I'm falling...
I'm falling...
I keep hearing whispers inside my head. It won't stop, nor will it go away.
The time is slowing down and I feel as if I am landing on a soft cushion of feathers.
But I wonder...why haven't I reach the bottom?
It's been awhile...perhaps, awhile too long. The journey is a long way down...
I smile how beautiful my hair stood upward and danced to the rhythm of the wind.. Some of it slapped my face, but for that I did not care...
For I know, I am falling.
I tried to move my fingers. Perhaps, I can take a look at it for one last time. The fingers that resembles the like of my mother's. The one that I like and cherish. But no matter how much force I put into the muscle, my fingers just would not budge. At the corner of my eyes, I can see my fingernails are turning blue. I've never seen such color before, it is much more blue than the ocean deep or the color of blueberry that I used to bake with. It seems almost black...perhaps dark blue fits the color, but somehow, I got the feeling that even dark blue are far more inferior than it.
As much as I wanted to cry for it's eccentricity, my mouth just curled into a tight smile and slowly, my eyes close at the blurry image of it.
Pictures of my past start to flash across my head. Starting with the time when I was a child and my mom would feed me my favorite Nestle. I could see how happy she was and the feeling tinted into my heart as my eyes twinkled at the sight of her smile.
'I see. This is how the clip of my flashback life looks like? I wonder if all dying human could see their's.'
The clip stops short before a blurrier ones appear. I could not remember the look of the person looking at me, but I can hear her vividly.
"Para, we can do this. We'll stick through it ok! So, don't give up on me."
My smile curls wider. I knew this clip. It's the time when we first climb the tallest tree behind my grandparent's backyard. I could still remember how old folks would make up ghost story about the tree. I used to be afraid of it, until my friend told me to climb it. As much as my stomach twisted at the idea, the assuring smile of her's guide me through and finally, when we reached the top...the view struck me. I wonder if ever I'm going to see the color o the rising sun as clear as I did on the tree. After a few days, we built a tree-house on top of it and started to visit much often. Slowly, the picture of horrifying ghost that the old folks made up disappear from my mind. I should thank her, if ever I would see her again after this...which I doubt strongly.
Suddenly, a gush of sadness engulfed me. The feeling of being abandon, useless and loneliness, which I once appreciated for it brought me into the solace of random tranquility. But, it started to chocked my breath, like a fine silk cloth that hung tightly onto my neck. The feeling was terrible, suffocating and yet...so inviting. The taste of death, one might say. But for me, this is the taste of a new life. From a drop of crystal tear, it turns into a stream of endless river as my cheek soaked from its persistence.
This is it. I knew it. The bottom is near. I can see now...how one would face death. This is it. I'm falling deeper into the mouth of nothingness and soon, this slow, dragging journey would stop.
My stomach makes a flip and my throat tastes bitter. I can feel a burning acid is pouring into my mouth as a jolt of nausea filled my throat like a flaming mercury.
The end is near...the end is here...
Now, let's end this journey. I open my eyes and took the last picture of the darkening sky above me, before I uttered my last prayer.
"God, if I would ever be reborn. Please...please, let me be a crow. For that I can see this sight again."
With both of my arms limp by my side, my legs hang upward with speed invisible rope and my hairs started to fold in front of my face, blocking my sight...I finally make a contact.
THUD!!!
Silence...
Everything is so silent...
Has death no voice???
---
"Painful," the first word comes into my brain.
Extremely painful... the words continue...
I didn't know that death could be so painful, but at least it was over and I can move on...
Yes, I could move on...After all, there's nothing to weep about. My life is nothing more than just a blank paper sweeping the floor, or a seed that was never stem.
Emptiness fill me with nothing but darkness...Darkness, my most loyal companion, my best friend and my other side.
Now, we can be together...forever, if it needed be.
Now, let me begin this dance of death, which tainted with the bleakness of blood and agony...A dance which will paint the history of the underworld, with nothing but misery and torment...
"If I may, I would wrap myself with the embrace of death with its claw still bared."
Dancing me,
Pararae
The Making
"This girl, who once I knew
Once upon the midnight blue,
She stared at the mountain, high atop of the snowy build
Her hair flopped back, over her rips"
I stared at the mirror, and somehow, I felt strange. The reflection of a girl, with tan Asian skin, curly raven haired and round black eyes stared back at me. Her eyes looked familiar, the depth of her pupils seemed like abyss, inviting and drowning its watchers into the rabbit hole, where darkness is eternal. And yet, the features of the small girl looked bizarre...different, as if I have never seen her before. It is like she has just popped out of nowhere and stood like, claiming the room hers' and leaving me out of place.
"The girl who I once knew
Under the reflection of the neon
She stared at the golden pool
and saw a princess holding silver and golden ball"
I tried to ponder, where it has all gone wrung. The girl who looked so innocent, so naive, with her smile curved so wide that she wishes to brighten everyone's face with her lines of teeth. But now, all that has left of her, just a girl, with pin-up hair, straight looks, downward curve lips and black and white suit. It is like butterfly, sprang from a lifeless cocoon.
But I always wonder whether my case works differently.
A butterfly, which sprang from the Borealis cocoon, was splashed in dreary grey.
So pitiful, so boring...
But, this is me, the making of a girl, who called herself, the runner...
Painting Me,
Pararae
Bitter Farewell
"Petro, promise me." I said softly as he tucked me to my bed. I could feel his cold palm against my feet as he tried to gather my elaborated sleeping gown under my blanket. His eyes were silent, yet I can see it's glowing in the dark, as if tears has gathered there. This is a hard moment for him as much as me, yet I knew, I have to make him promise. "Please, promise me that you will never leave me." My voice choked with tears. My eyes were burning, as it desperately trying to release the tears free. But I have to stay strong. So, I swallowed it hard that it left my chest burning. "Please..." My voice quivered.
Petro lowered her head, hiding his pale, white face under his long bangs of hair. No matter how I admire the bangs before, I wished I could have him cut it before so that I could read his face now. We were both silence, and yet we knew that silence is not present in our heart. My hands that gripped on the blanket wished that it could grab his hand instead or perhaps hold up his chin so I can see his face. "Please, look at me and say it." My mind was shrouded with emotion, screaming for him to answer positively, yet my heart knew the answer would be the opposite. Tears started to run down my temple and by that time, I thought that hiding my feelings would not solve this issue, so I cried. Wishing that he, too, could hear it.
"Just close your eyes, Lady Cl'mentine." He whispered, mostly to the wind as he avoided the urge to look at her. Because he knew if he does so, he will never be able to hold back his own tears. "The sun is going down. Don't worry because you will be alright and no one can hurt you now. Once the morning light comes, you will be in good hands. Safe and sound." I felt a rush of tears damping my face as he silently stood up and blew off the candle on the bed-side table. Although I knew that would be his answer, but I couldn't accept it. My mind silently screamed for him to stay, even for a moment. His footsteps sounded like a broken song to my ears and my cry grew as it sounded dimmer and dimmer, when finally, it stopped. A gush of light entered the room as he opened the door to the hallway. My tears caused my sight to be blurry, but I could tell that his white skin looked paler under the yellow light. At that time, he looked almost like an angel.
"Goodbye, Lady Cl'mentine." With that, the door closed softly, before the room enshrouded again with darkness and all that I could do, is wept.